||[Nov 16 2006 2:29pm]
life is a mess. the world turned dark on me.
i lost everything i needed and wanted in my life.
i'm sorry to those who believed in me, i'm a letdown.
i'm sorry for going back on my words by doing what you hate me doing most.
i'm sorry that i force myself to eat and let it out.
i'm sorry that i make myself thin the easy way out.
i'm sorry for turning back to this dark alley.
when i loose all hope in the world, this is what i do.
welcome to my reality.
meet the real me.
i'm not who you think i am.
i'm a total fake.
it takes time to know who i really am.
my passions, my joy, my life.
my reality is this. face facts.
i'm sick. i have problems with myself.
i am an obsession.
i'm that girl you love to hate.
for now, i'm gone.
not for good.
just for this period.
thank you for your concerns.
please go on and continue to stalk me.
my myspace info is at my userinfo.
add me everywhere else.
it'll be best if you AIM'ed me ; awakebymidnight
please don't abandon me.
please be here for me.
i need you.
|I just need this, all of it, to go away.
||[Nov 15 2006 9:40pm]
[music| Rihanna - We Ride]
I thank you for what you said to me.
Looking back, I feel thankful to have found friends like
Membars - Lyn / Sally / Shidah / Aadila / Aisyah / Elf
& Of course. Ridwan. (:
PS. Mark has left and headed home for Philipines yesterday. (random.)
||[Nov 15 2006 7:51pm]
I HAVE TO LET OFF SOME STEAM.
DON'T START RUMOURS ABOUT ME, CAN?
DON'T ANYHOW ACCUSE ME OF THINGS I DIDN'T DO, CAN?
DON'T ANYHOW INVOLVE ME IN SHIT I WON'T EVER DO, CAN?
WTH IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!
YA, I LOOK CHEAP, BEHAVE LIKE A BITCH BLABLABLA.
ONE THING I CANNOT STAND IS WHEN YOU START RUMOUS.
I HAVE FEELINGS OKAY!
IMAGINE IF YOU ARE BEING RUMOURED ABOUT.
I'M MORE UPSET THAN FURIOUS OKAY.
EVEN WAN NEARLY DOUBTED ME.
KORANG DAH PUAS BELOM?!
I'M TRYING TO START AFRESH HERE.
I TRIED SO HARD TO GET BACK TO WHERE I AM.
BACK TO WHO I AM, AND NOT SOMEONE ELSE.
I'M TRYING TO START ANEW WITH WAN.
WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE OUT TO GET ME SO MUCH?!
I teardrop just fell.
Dah puas belom, buat rumour?
Are you fucking happy now?
Do me a favour.
I beg you.
Stop rumouring about me.
& seeing Wan almost doubting me, its really upsetting la.
Crap ah korang.
I TRUSTED KORANG.
Aku kawan ngan korang.
But korang rumour psl aku.
Asal ngan korang?
I can't even cry to Wan about it, okay!
I hate this.
PS. I'M SORRY LA.
I'M SO UPSET RIGHT NOW. ):
|I can't imagine being away from you, despite being so close.
||[Nov 15 2006 6:36pm]
[music| Danity Kane - Stay With Me]
I hope I cry. I need to cry.
Anorexia nervosa is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes an eating disorder characterized by low body weight and body image distortion. Individuals with anorexia often control body weight by voluntary starvation, purging, vomiting, excessive exercise, or other weight control measures, such as diet pills or diuretic drugs. It primarily affects young adolescent girls in the Western world and has one of the highest mortality rates of any psychiatric condition, with approximately 10% of people diagnosed with the condition eventually dying due to related factors
Today was my outing with bestie. Wooh. It was okay la. I mean, I didn't care about the trip, I cared about the person I spent it with. She completely made my day today. I feel good. Wheeee! She mocked this primary school kid for laughing wierdly by laughing like how he did too. Hahaha! It was so funny. You people should have been there to see how funny it was. :P
Sadly... I don't really think he's in the mood to talk to me or something.
I hope I cry soon. The pain is killing me. Day by day, idk what's going on. I try to pretend nothing's wrong. But I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I really feel like I fail as a girlfriend. I fail. I'm a letdown. Like I can never do anything right. Why am I such a screw up? And why can't he tell me that I'm not a bad girlfriend. I fail as one. I know I do. I'm not satisfactory. There's definately something wrong with me.
Ohand. Its sickening to have an obsession for models. Or how they look like. Diet and whatever crap to look like a pretty lampost. I can never look like that pretty lampost. Never. I want to loose weight. Terribly. I really wanna loose weight. Pfffft.
PS. I SAW DANIAL TODAY AT THE LIBRARY. LIKE... WTFWTFWTF?!?!?!?!. AHHHHH. HE'S SO TALL. LIKE, DAMN TALL. TALLER THAN ME! AHHH. LIKE, OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG. I wanted to see how he looked like since Teacher's Day. &now that I've seen him, I'm satisfied. :D YAY! Apeje, Dan. Disturb-disturb. BLUEK. Everybody's so much taller than I am nowadays. Grr.
Danial, Danial, Danial!
Anybody remembered that slightly shorter, and less abang-abang kinda Danial? Hahah.
He's STILL thin though. :P
I WANNA GO DAN'S HOUSE! ITS SO PREEEEETY! AND BIG. HE HAS SUCH A NICE HOUSE! (i haven't been there in quite a few years.)
|When will you learn to back off?
||[Nov 14 2006 6:18pm]
[music| Danity Kane - Want It]
Worse day ever, much?
We're still negotiating weather we wanna go out or not. Gah. Slacks + Jersey. Who cares what I'm wearing there. I really don't care about my image or anything. Its 7.05PM, people. If you want to go out, we should go out now. And not still negotiate about it. Damn la. If you wanna go out, just iron your clothes, shower and all and shut up can? Like.. uh. Talk, talk, talk. Negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. But nobody's moving or getting ready. Shops close you know, fyi. Stupid.
I'm getting irritated over little things. I don't know. I'm in such a crapy mood, its unexplanable.
Why do I feel like I'm screwing up everything? Like I can't do anything right. I'm not the best daughter, girlfriend, friend. I feel that way. I'm a horrible kid. I don't do anything right. Keep comparing me with other people. I'm not them. Can you understand? I'm a bad girlfriend. I don't know how to keep up with his busy schedule. I never could. I'm not the best friend. I abandoned my best friend. I don't deserve to be her best friend. I abandoned her. I'm a screw up.
Nothing is oky.
Syiq. He's your boyfriend. She's your bestfriend.
She's been there forever and you abandon her. He's been there at your breaking down point early this year. And now he's yours.
I don't like choosing.
I don't know how to spend time with both of them. Seperately. I'll abandon my best friend for Wan.
I never put Wan on hold.
... I'm a screw up.
||[Nov 14 2006 11:29am]
OF YEAR 2004.
Okiepokies, people. 6/1 + 6/2 COMBINED class gathering is up.
So now, voting is up and we have to choose where we want to go and stuff.
The poll is up, somewhere and I'm unable to reveal it here due to it being strictly for us, or some bullshit like that. :P
That dumbass by the name of Melford Soh, just informed me today.. so.
Contact me, a.s.a.p for the link.
Call / SMS / MSN / MySpace / Friendster / Knock on my house door.
You kids know where to find me.
Sembawang's so small.
Sadly, for those who are attached, like myself -
the gathering is strictly for 6/1 & 6/2 kiddies only (2004 batch).
So that means :
- No outsiders
- No boyfriends / girlfriends (NOBODY wants to see you get your 'thing' on.)
- No siblings or whoever.
BASICALLY. Bring YOURSELF. :D
& noone else for that matter.
PS. Don't vote for Cycling, can? I don't know how to cycle la, asses. x____________x
(unless you're willing to give me a ride la..)
And try not to vote for Escape either. Cause some are afraid of heights. :D
PPS. KBOX?! WTH. WTH IS KBOX DOING IN THE POLL!? Kbox. Great. The world is turning gay on me.
PPPS. Six One kids, feel free to ask Melford for any info & Six Two kids can ask Lynn.
Looking forward to see you kids then.!